A Lonely Walk

November chill in my room

5 am might as well be noon

Thoughts run races in my head

I have this horrible feeling of dread

The dark of this room engulfs me

Leaving me smaller than a flea

I turn to look at your side of the bed

Hoping to see your shape instead

Theres no one there to my dismay

I hope you’ll be there one day

A tear then rolls down from my cheek

And I remember things aren’t that bleak

For in the morning you’ll be there

And I’ll be waiting in my chair

Portrait of a day

whining laughing and play

rivalries persist

time to stop I insist

before the electric alter they sit

paying their homage bit by bit

I step to the window

Let my cigarette smoke blow

hoping my pain will dwindle

as time passes I still have a tingle

The sun is lovely yet bleek

cold November air against cheek

one more day down 

Lets just smile and not frown

I lived a thousand years

through lifetimes long and short

across this expanse 

I’ve ceaselessly searched

with persistence unparalleled

Alove that could quench my hearts thirst

I was finally led to the stream of you

I finally drank deeply

while sometimes bitter

You were mostly sweet

You quenched my thirst

and set my fire ablaze 

Alone in my thoughts

in a bubble, cloudy and blurred

What shall I do

What can I say

give me space

Let me think

No answers come

The Universe in all its glory

Stares back at me

no answers

no advice

I might as well stare into the abyss

I know whats there

But those beasts give no respite

They give no quarter

They take their pound of flesh

without regard

at least they are honest about it

but that leaves me even more empty

November day

Mood as grey as the day

somber mournful

mundane tasks abound

My love lays quietly in half slumber

I ponder the the darkness

Has my mood

inflicted it’s will upon the earth

Or has Gaia made me this way

Either way it doesn’t matter

She and I feel November Grey

I have a way

of making my life

a living hell

Unintentionally burning bridges

randomly planting explosives

pouring gasoline on open flames

then thinking its a good Idea

to jump in them naked

I can’t control my self

it’s an instinct or a learned behavior

To tell falsehoods 

a tool for self preservation

preserves nothing

and it always comes back to bite me

It can’t continue

this needs to stop 

I hope i’m not telling more lies

short chestnut hair

Luscious lip gloss covered lips

Trademark blue hoodie

beautiful curves from shoulder to thighs

intelligent yet unassuming

funny even though unintended

sarcastic at all the wrong times

fierce in love and in life

what else could i ask for?

Nothing for she is already my wife

friendship

should never be taken lightly

it precariously walks

a razor blades edge

if you slip

teeter, fall or are pushed

That blade upon which you tread

could split more than just you

Intermittent shadows

flutter past half closed eyes

butterflies dance 

in rainbow patterns

sipping from the nectar 

from spherical fruit

then evaporate

unremarkably

When Black and white
they overlap
shades of pink and blue
Become vibrant
Dig deeper
strain harder
til ligaments tear from bone
nothing good
ever came from complacency
and pain has always pushed humanity
suck it up
fly right
aim straight
and hit the mark
for an archer of words
is what you are
and there is none better